


It's Always Darkest Before The Dawn

by j2mslittlebitch



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Angry Sex, Barebacking, Blow Jobs, Bondage, Drug Use, F/M, Gunplay, Implied Child Abuse, M/M, Multi, Rough Sex, Swearing, Threesome - F/M/M, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-12
Updated: 2013-02-25
Packaged: 2017-11-25 03:59:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/634890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j2mslittlebitch/pseuds/j2mslittlebitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>starts from 1.01. minor spoilers but mostly rewritten. dean shows up on sam's door step after two years. their father was missing, he was on a hunt and had been gone for weeks. dean was worried and needed his brother to help him search. they have john's journal and a cold lead but nothing else. the going is rough and uncomfortable to start with, neither brother knowing where they stand but they put their differences to find john. queue wincest, angst, top!dean, bottom!sam, death, rebirth and a whole new enemy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. John Winchester Knew...

**Author's Note:**

> un-beta'd, so all mistakes are mine.

John Winchester always knew there was something different about his boys, the way they loved each other. He always knew there was something beyond brother hood, the way they turned to each other when there was trouble, the way they held each other and patted each other down to check for injuries. He saw the way they mirrored each others movements, finished each others sentences and had entire conversations with one look.  
The first time he noticed it was when Dean was seven and Sam had fallen and skinned his knee. John had ordered his son up, told him to brush it off, but Dean... Dean had rushed to his brothers side and fallen to his knees himself, he had pulled his little brothers frayed shorts up and looked at the knee, then helped Sam to his feet and they disappeared inside. Later when John had seen them curled around each other on the couch, with cartoons playing, Sam's knee was cleaned and bandaged.  
John couldn't help but think it was his fault, he had forced them together in this horrid lifestyle but he knew deep down, even if Mary had still been alive, his boys would still be too close. He had watched them on countless occasions, he had seen Dean rock Sam to sleep after a nightmare, he had seen Sam patch Dean up after a highschool brawl, he had seen the gentle hands and lingering looks. It got to the point, when there was times that John felt he was intruding upon private moments. Especially after he had been away on a hunt and left the boys by themselves, he had the feeling they wouldn't even notice if he didn't come home at all.  
So yes, John Winchester knew there was something different about his boys.


	2. Chapter One

Sam Winchester was stretched out in his bed at Stanford, Jessica was on his left shoulder, his arm slowly waking him with pins and needles when he heard the frantic banging on his dorm door.

“Sam.” The voice was rough and familiar, even in his sleep filled mind. “Dammit, Sam, open the fucking door.”

He blinked once... twice... three times before he realised it was Dean. He was somewhat confused as he gently pulled his arm out from under Jess's head and slipped out of bed. He pulled on a pair of boxers and tripped over Jess's panty hoes, only saved himself from falling by grabbing the door frame.

_Bang, bang, bang._

“Right, I'm comin'. Fuck!” He rushed through the living room and yanked the security chain off the door, then flung it open.

His brother stood, his right fist poised to bash on the door, looking pissed off, hot as hell and all types of fucked up. His tanned skin was pale under his freckles,his hair was flat against his head and black rings were under his green eyes. Sam didn't know what to say, he hadn't seen his brother in two years, hadn't heard from him, not so much as a text message since he left for college.

He stood in the door way, shifting from one foot to the other, clearly uncomfortable. He threw a glance over his shoulder, hoping that Jess wouldn't wake up, that was the last thing he would need. Dean was a jealous bastard at the best of times and he looked way too volatile to wind up tonight.

Sam rubbed his face and squinted at his brother, “Whattya doin' here, Dean?”

Dean pushed passed him and into the room, he paced to the couch and dropped down with a groan. Sam frowned, it was just like his brother to make himself at home in a place he wasn't welcome. Well, no, Sam thought maybe that was a bit harsh, he was welcome, just not expected.

“It's dad,” Sam suddenly realised how worn out Dean sounded. “He went on a -.”

“Sam, baby, who're you...” Jess came to a sudden halt in the bedroom doorway when she seen Dean. Her curly blonde hair was tousled and Sam's shirt she wore came down to mid thigh and Sam was pretty sure there was nothing under it.

Dean glanced up at her, his eyes narrowed before he rounded on Sam, completely ignoring Jess. “I should have known, I'm working my ass off to try and find dad and you're here, livin' the high life, fuckin' goldilocks here.” He motioned wildly to Jess who stumbled back a step as if she were afraid. Dean launched himself to his feet, “You know what? Don't even worry about it. You just stay here, it's not like you gave a fuck in the first place or else you never would have left.”

He stormed from the room, slamming the door before Sam could pull his jaw off the floor. He should have known that it would come back to this, it always would in the future – if they had one. He turned to follow his brother before he remember Jess standing in the door way.

“Jess, baby, go back to bed. I need to -” he took a step towards the door, “I'll explain when I get back.”

He rushed out the door and down the stairs. He heard the monster v8 of the Impala roar to life as he burst out of the front door, “Dean, wait.” He yelled, rushing towards the car, he skidded to a stop and knocked on the passenger window. He saw Dean blink once and sigh before he lent over and unlocked the door.

Sam yanked the door open and slid into the familiar leather seats.

 

 

Dean felt more like running his brother over then opening the door. But he was too much of a gentleman to leave his boxer glad gigantor of a brother standing on the pavement. He killed the engine and stared straight ahead. It had knocked him for a six when Sam had pulled the door open, looking just like he had the night he left.

Dean had been able to hide how much he was missing him when he was hunting or when he was drinking and sleeping his way around the states but when Sam was standing in boxers in the door way of his tiny dorm, Dean had nearly cried. He shouldn't feel like this, not after two years but what could he do. He would never admit it out loud but he had seriously considered driving himself into a tree the night Sam had left, the night they had had the argument that had ended their relationship as both brothers and lovers.

“Dean, man, I'm sorry,” Sam's voice cut through his memories, “but what do you expect when you rock up to my house at 2 am in the morning after two years of ignoring my calls and text messages? Do you seriously think I was going to wait, to mourn over you like a heartbroken little girl?”

Dean spun as much as he could and eyed his brother, “I expected … Fuck, I don't know what I expected but I know I didn't think you'd be shacked up with a blonde _woman._ ”

Sam clearly ignored the dig about Jess, “You know, don't even worry about it. What's going on with dad?”

Dean scrubbed a hand over his face, “He's on a hunt, been gone for three weeks, heard from him two weeks ago, he told me he was finishing up and he should have been home by last Friday.”

Sam sighed, “Dean, you know dad. He's probably on a bender in Bobby's cabin.”

“No,” Dean snapped, “I've called every number he has, no answer. I called Bobby, Caleb, everyone and no one has heard from him. He was putting down a lone werewolf, Sam, it doesn't take three weeks to do that. Plus I traveled down to where he was working, found his room. He'd left everything behind, even his journal.”

“What do you expect me to do? I've been out of the life for two years. I'm not interested in going back.”

“I just need your help, I can't do this on my own, I've tried and got nothin'.”

Sam sighed and Dean knew he was trying to figure out a way to let him down gently so he rushed on, “Sammy, you know if I could do this without dragging you back into the life, I would. But man, I've tried everything, hunted around at every single one of his regular haunts, called every single one of his contacts – there's nothing. Nothing! He's just gone.” He paused for a moment, “Sam, please man. I need you.”

 

Sam was silent for a moment, he didn't want to be dragged back into the shitty life that was hunting. He was happy at college, happy with Jess, happy with his life. He wouldn't admit to himself or anyone else that he missed Dean, or John, and he sure as wouldn't admit that he missed the traveling.

He didn't miss everything trying to kill him, or eat him, or curse him. He didn't miss the dodgy motels and hotels, didn't miss spending every minute of everyday watching his back, scared of what might tailing them. He sure as hell didn't miss the relationship Dean and him used to have, didn't miss the stolen kisses and quick touches. Didn't miss hiding in junkers at Bobby's to make out with his big brother.

He was normal now, normal life, normal girlfriend, stable house and a steady job. He was honest, working as a bar tender at a bar near campus. He didn't hustle or cheat his way into money any more and he didn't constantly worry about the Fed's knocking on his door and it felt good.

He looked up to Dean, dragging his eyes away from the shiny leather seat, “Dean, I -” he sighed, “Yeah okay, give me an hour. There's a bar down the road, go have a drink then come back and pick me up. I need to make some calls, pack some stuff and, ah, explain to Jess what's goin' on.”

Dean's lips moved in the shadow of a smile, “Yeah, righto, thanks Sammy.”

Sam nodded before he pushed open the door and climbed out into the mild morning air, pushing it shut he rushed into the building, shutting the dorm door just as he heard the Impala take off.

Jess was sitting on the lounge, knees brought up to her chin, now wearing sweats and his shirt. She looked up at him as he walked in. He dropped down on the lounge next to her, “Hey, sorry about that.”

“Who was it, Sam?” her voice was soft. Jess' voice always got soft when she was mad.

Sam knew this was coming, honestly, he didn't blame Jess for being angry. His brother had just barged in, insulted her, yelled and all but stomped his foot before slamming out. “Jess, he was – ah, he's my brother, Dean.”

Jess turned to him and frowned, “You never mentioned a brother?

Sam laughed, a loud, hollow sound, “We haven't been on speaking terms since I left, its... complicated. Dean didn't want me to go, I didn't want to stay. We fought. I left on bad terms. Us Winchesters are a self destructive bunch. Dad told me, he said if I went, never to come back and Dean, Dean well, he hated me for leaving. He hated me because I left and he stayed.”

“So he rocks up on your doorstep in the middle of the night after two years? What was that all about?”

Sam sighed, he stood up and paced for a moment, “Dad's gone missing, he went up into the mountains hunting bears and hasn't come home. I tried to tell him, dad was probably drunk in Uncle Bobby's cabin but Dean reckons none of his hunting buddies have seen him.”

He walked into the room and pulled his duffel out from under his bed, “I'm going up to the cabin with Dean to look for him, I'll be back by Monday. It's just, well, I've never seen Dean this worried.”

When Jess spoke again, she was standing in the doorway, “Sam, I'm trying to understand, I really am. First of all you don't mention him, then he abuses you like a jealous lover in the middle of the night and now your running off with him.”

Sam nodded, “Yeah, it's six types of weird but even after all this time, he's family and if Dean is scared, I take notice. Dean doesn't get scared, Jess...” He tossed clothes from his dresser to his bag before grabbing his toiletries from the bathroom and tossed them in as well. He zipped up the bag and turned to Jess.

When he approached her, she looked up, her brown eyes bright in the dim light of the dorm. “Jess, baby, I love you and I will be two days, three at the max then I'll be back and we can go out and get drunk and miss classes on Tuesday.” He smiled, that wide charming smile he used every time he was in trouble. He'd learnt at a young age, this smile and his best version of 'puppy dog' eyes would get him any where or anything and he had never stopped using them to his advantage.

He raised his hands and cupped her cheeks, his lips touching hers briefly, “I love you Jess.”

She smiled into the kiss, “I love you too, Sammy.”

He stepped back and shouldered his bag, “It's Sam.”

He kissed her hair as he passed her and didn't stop or look back until he hit the sidewalk.

He was only standing there for a moment when he heard the Impala rumble up, he pulled open the door, threw his duffel in the backseat and slid in silently.

Not a word was spoken as the car pulled away from the gutter and headed towards the outskirts, Dean kept his eyes on the road and Sam kept his on the flashing scenery, the only sound was the muted tone of old style rock coming from the speakers.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, unbeta'd so any mistakes are mine.

The Winchester boys travelled south towards the small town of Jericho for ten hours before Dean needed to take a break, so he pulled off the interstate and followed the dusty back road until they came to a small, dingy motel. Dean left his brother sleeping when he pulled up and pushed his way out of the car, stretching before ambling into reception.

The greasy haired stoner boy sitting at the reception desk looked up from his late night porn and glared at Dean, clearly annoyed at the interruption, “Whaddya want?”

Dean snorted, “Ah, a room would be a good start, two queens.” He pulled out his wallet and handed over one of his many credit cards

Stoner guy scribbled something into a dirty notebook and handed him a guy and his card back, “Alright Mister Arnold, room fifteen.” He glanced back down at the television then back to Dean, adding with a twisted smirk, “Have a good stay.”

 _Oh, I bet I will,_ Dean thought as he slipped back into the car and idled her down to the front of room fifteen.

He elbowed Sam as he opened his door and climbed out, rounding to the trunk to open it and pull his bags out. Sam climbed sleepily from the Impala and looked around, “Where are we?”

Dean half turned as he slipped the key into the lock then pushed the door open, “About an hour from Jericho, last place Dad was seen. I thought we could stop over here and do some research before we hit ground zero,” he cut himself off with a loud yawn, “Plus I'm all types of tired.”

“Yeah, right,” Sam pulled his bag out of the car and shut all the doors, locking them and followed his brother into the room.

Dean's first thought was that the sixties came and threw up all over their room. The walls were bright orange and the carpet a slight less offending tone of orange. The bed covers were light brown with big orange circles, the bathroom was even more horrid, oranges and yellows splashed everywhere.

Behind him, Sam snorted, “Good choice, Dean.”

Dean dropped his bag on the bed closest to the door and dropped down, too worn out to stand any longer, “Hey, at least it's kinda clean. Anyway, you little gigantic bitch, I’m too tired to care about the colour scheme right now. I sincerely apologize if it offends you delicate senses.”

Sam stared at Dean for a moment, “ _Little gigantic bitch_? Seriously, you know that doesn’t even make sense right?”

“Yeah whatever,” Dean murmured as he stifled another yawn as he slipped out of his jeans and over shirts, leaving him in boxers and a tight black tee shirt. “I’m sleeping now, can’t even…” He just shook his head and slid into bed, immediately turning his back to his brother.

As much as he hoped, he did not sleep straight away; instead he laid there with tense shoulders, listening to his brother move quietly around the room before he slipped into his own bed. There was a time where Sam would have climbed into bed with him and wrapped him in his arms. There was a time where they would have fallen asleep wrapped around each other and Dean missed those times. He knew the gap between them was wider then that between the beds and although he knew it was fucked up but he missed the relationship they had.

Dean knew incest was wrong, he knew that most people thought it disgusting but most people weren’t raised like Sam and Dean Winchester. Forced upon each other, forced to care for each other while they led a life even the best horror write could not imagine. Protecting each other from not only things that go bump in the night, but also from their border line abusive father.

Sure, he never hit them but he was always emotionally crippling and pushed both Sam and Dean to extraordinary lengths in the name of _training_ , Dean didn’t blame him, he knew the old man was dealt a shitty hand first with the war, then with Mary being burnt alive, then finding out the creatures from his nightmares existed. That would push anyone over the edge, but John fought back, turning his boys into vicious little guard dogs, creating monsters of his own. Neither boy able to fit in at school or in normal society, neither boy making normal friends or doing normal things. So it was only fitting that Sam and Dean fell into this messy little relationship of theirs, fucking against rest stop walls, quick and dirty blow jobs in the backseat of the Impala when their father was talking to witnesses.

It had never occurred to either of them what their dad would do if he found out, but it sure as hell never occurred to them to tell him. So that night when he stumbled out of the rain a day early after hunting and destroying a nest of vampires to find his sons naked and wrapped around each other in front of the space heater had nearly destroyed him and it sure as fuck had sent him over the edge and turned him into the hard, angry man he was today. The man who refused to admit he had two sons, who seemed to blame Sam for everything that went wrong and who had kicked him out and told him to never come back.

Dean had left that night too; they got into the Impala and fled. They had stayed in a motel, similar to this one. They had climbed into bed and Dean had held Sam while he cried. Dean had it all planned out, he was going to get a job, working on cars or something, anything. He would help his brother go to college, they would live somewhere no one knew them, get new names and be together. No one would know they were brothers, they could be lovers first.

But when they had woken up the next morning, Sam had broken the news. He was leaving. Going to Stanford, he’d gotten a full ride. He was leaving and he didn’t want Dean to come. He was leaving Dean. It was for the best, he had said, he needed to try and live a normal life and so did Dean.  
So two days after bailing on John, Dean had returned with his tail between his legs, sans Sam and he had become John’s good little solider. After that, the relationship between Dean and his father had been rocky at best. Dean had blamed John for losing Sam and John had given Dean several beat downs when he’d return, clearly still disgusted with the entire situation.

Dean didn’t blame him, he knew that his and Sam’s relationship was six types of wrong, but the problem was it always felt so right and neither of them could ever think of a reason to stop.

So that’s how he came to be here, lying with his back to his baby brother wishing they were how they used to be. He fell asleep with those thoughts rattling around in his head.

 

Dean jerked awake the next morning with a gasp, panicking for a reason he wasn’t sure of. His eyes shot to Sam, who was cocooned under his doona to the door. He could hear someone stomping around out the front of their room and climbed out of bed.

He glanced out the window and seen the greasy haired guy from last night open the door next to them with a cleaning cart so he turned and threw a pillow at Sam, “C’mon sleeping beauty, wakey wakey.”

Sam jerked awake and jumped up, glaring at his brother, “Dude, really?”

“Yes, that creeper from reception is cleaning next door; I wanna bail before he gets here.” Dean didn’t even bother with a shower, he could do that at the next motel. He just pulled on clean clothes, all the while harassing Sam until he was up and ready too.

When they were in the car, Sam opened the glove box, shuffling through the contents before looking up at Dean, “Dude, you gotta update your cassette collection.”

Dean looked up from the chocolate bar he had dug out of his bag and stared, “Why?”

Sam raised his eyebrows, “Because for one, they’re cassttes. And two, Black Sabbath, Motörhead, Metallica?! It's the greatest hits of mullet rock.”

Dean frowned, offended at his brothers words about his favourite bands. “House rules, Sammy. Driver picks the music; shotgun shuts his cake hole.”

“You know, Sammy is a chubby twelve year old, its Sam -“ he was cut off when Dean lent over and stuffed an ACDC tape in the player then cranked the volume to mirror rattling level.

Dean glanced at his baby brother and grinned around the chocolate bar and waved a hand around, “Sorry, can’t hear you. Music’s too loud.”

For the first time in twenty four hours, Sam grinned as the pulled away from the motel


	4. White woman; Part One.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter, next one is a bit longer!

It took them a little less than an hour to arrive in Jericho and Dean pulled the Impala into the first motel they seen, which was the motel that was scribbled in John’s journal. Sam was buried in the notes and missing persons cases that he had found with John’s journal and didn’t even look up when Dean put his baby in park and climbed out.

The reception office was much nicer here, clean and well lit with a pretty young blonde standing behind the desk. Dean grinned widely, the grin he knew that made girls and most men weak at the knees as he approached he the desk, “Hi there darlin’.”

She glanced up at him, light brown eyes twinkling as she smiled shyly at him, “Uh, h-hi sir. How can I help?”

He leant forward and squinted at her name tag, “Yeah, Jill, I believe you can,” he pulled out his wallet and credit card, “Need a room with two queens, sweetheart.” He put his card on the desk and slid it towards her with two finger tips.

She nodded, picking up his card and typed a few keys on the laptop in front of her, “Oh, is that any relation staying here? There’s another Mr Arnold in room thirty.”

“Oh, yeah that’s our dad,” he smiled at her again as she handed him his credit card and they key card to open their door. 

“Room twenty six, just down there. There’s free wifi and breakfast every morning at seven until ten. I hope you enjoy your stay, sir.”

“Oh, I will.” He grinned again as he turned to walk out of the office. When he slid back into the Impala, Sam was watching him, something completely unreadable written all over his face. “Whatcha problem, Samantha?”

Sam just frowned and shook his head before he went back to reading. Dean pulled the car around to their room and parked the sleek Impala in the correct parking spot. They both climb from the car, bringing their bags and all the case information as they. 

The room in this hotel was significantly nicer then the last one, all beiges and light browns with white fittings. Dean nodded and threw his stuff on the bed closest to the door. “The woman, _Jill_ ,” Dean said her name with a stupid smile and he knew he was going to end up back in that office before the day was over, “said dad was staying in room thirty. I’ll go down there and check shit out, you stay and research?”

Sam nodded and sat down with the laptop, opening it and pressing the power button, “Be careful, Dean.”

Dean snorted as he pushed out the door and walked down the front path to the front of room thirty, he stopped, glancing around himself to make sure no one was watching before he pulled his lock pick from his pocket and squatted in front of the door.

It took all of twenty seconds to pick the crappy hotel locks and Dean was in. The room was stuffy, clearly from being shut up for so long. Dean looked at the walls and grinned, one side of his lips twitching up. Typical John had the entire case back ground taped all over his walls.

Dean ripped all the pages from the walls then backed out of the room, locking it up again before heading back to Sam in their room. Sam was sitting on the bed with the laptop resting on his knees, surrounded by print outs and hand scribbled note and he promptly gave Dean bitch face number one when Dean dropped the pages from John’s room onto the laptop.

Dean shrugged and grinned just a little before flopping onto the other bed, “Dude that man is a research machine, you have some big boots to fill, Sammy.”

Bitch faced again, Sam snorted, “For one, it’s Sam and why tell hell can’t you do any research?”

“Because,” Dean smirked, “You’re the brains of the relation…- I mean partnership.” He’d stumbled there, almost called this thing they have a relationship and it tore back painful memories of what they used to be, when they used to be in a _relationship_. Before Sam ran and Dean let him.

He up and took a hesitant step towards the door, “Sammy, man, I know how you feel about fun so I’m gunna go see when the pretty little lady in the office gets off, then going to the bar down the road. Ring me if you need anything.”

And then he was gone out the door.


End file.
